Scenes they'd never in show in Batman 1989
by lozza1989
Summary: This is a funny story based on scenes they never shown in Tim Burton's Batman because they were too Stupid to show in the movie. NO FLAMEs or else! read and review please!
1. Chapter 1

Scenes they'd never show in Batman

Plot: this is a funny story about scenes not shown in Tim Burton's Batman (1989) coz they were too stupid to show.

Disclaimer: Please note that the following stupid scenes are what I made up so DON'T FLAME. I must warn you that some characters might be a little OOC in this, but it's a parody so don't take it personally Ok.

Scene one:Bruce Wayne the pimp.

He was sat on the the bonnet of his pimp mobile smoking a cigarette and sipping some expensive looking red wine. A rather chavvy looking Alfred approached the billionaire Pimp and informed him of some important news.

"Sir, we've ran out of petrol for your Batmobile" he informed. Bruce tipped his pimp hat back and stared at Alfred. "I'll go down to the petrol station and get some then. I'll be needing that baby tonight for my crime fighting spree and maybe save some poor damsel in distress and then bring her back for some love in the back seat of the pimp mobile" he said in a pimp's kind of voice. He then winked at his butler and clambered into the driver's seat of the Pimp mobile and drove off.

"Dag nabbit, I really hope he soons drops the whole Pimp attitude" Alfred muttered as he watched Bruce speed away.

As he was driving along to the petrol station, Bruce was singing along to the song playing in the car.

_"I wanna love all da girls_

_da girls, I wanna love_

_ooooooooooooooooooh" _he sang as he drove along the road. He turned the corner when he saw the love of his life, Vicky Vale walking down the street. He parked his Pimp Mobile, got out and walked over to her.

"Bruce, is that you?" she asked. He nodded. "Yes it's me baby" he replied, giving her a wink. "What are you dressed like that for?" she asked. "I'm a Pimp Babes, a woman lover" he replied, smoothing his hair back.

"Since when did you decide to go pimp?" she asked looking at him. "Since last night, I need all the female attention" he replied as he swung his Pimp cane from side to side. Vicky started moving closer towards him.

"I suppose you want me to give you some attention?" she asked making Bruce smile like he'd never smiled before. "Well, if you get into my Pimp mobile and we could discuss buisness" he suggested, opening the back seat door. Vicky clambered in and Bruce went in after her. he then closed the curtains and his Pimp Mobile began to sway from side to side.

"CUT". Tim Burton came running onto set with a clipboard under his arm and sporting a beret on top of his messy black hair and towards the Pimp mobile and knocking on the windows.

"Michael, Kim could you come out of there please?" he asked.

"So, how was that Tim?" Michael Keaton asked.

"Too stupid, I don't think I'll be putting that scene in the movie because I don't believe that Batman would be a pimp by day. I'm going to edit that scene out guys" he explained to them.

"Oh well, shall we go for a pint?" Michael suggested.

--

So what do you think? Too Stupid or down right funny. If you read it, then please leave a review and maybe a few hints on what type of scenes I could do, something that's funny and will make my readers laugh. The first chapter is just a warm up. If there is going to be any reviews then NO FLAMES! It's there in capitals so if you're a flamer then read what it says in the capitals and don't FLAME!. More coming soon.


	2. Scene two: Joker kills Chavs

Scene two:Joker kills Chavs

Disclaimer: this ones for all the chav haters out there.

A bunch of teenage chavs, six chavs and two chavettes were hanging on some street corner in Gotham, smoking and drinking cider.

"How did that stupid old toothless man in the shop serve you cider if you're only 15?" asked a chav to his chav buddy. "I used my fake I-D innit" replied another chav who was morbildy obese.

"Motherfucker, you rock, where can I get on of those things?" a Chavette asked. She looked about 15 and was loaded with make-up. "My dad makes them, I'll get him to make you one if ya want, bitch" the Chav with the fake I-D said.

The Chavs and Chavettes were continuing to smoke and drink themselves to oblivion when a vaguely familiar Villain came into view.

"Fucking hell, it's the evil Clown of death" one of the chavs shrieked.

"Actually I'm The Joker" he corrrected. The chavs and chavettes looked at each other in confusion. "What are ya doing on our turf?" a chavette asked, hands on hips and blowing a large bubble.

" I want to show you guys something if you'll just follow me" The Joker announced. The Chavs and Chavettes looked confused at first but followed him anyway.

"What's going on, where are we going?" one Chav asked.

"You'll see" the Joker replied adding a high pitched giggle at the end. The chavs and Chavettes pulled faces when he did that.One chav who was extremely hammered started staggering and singing.

_"kama kama kama kameleon_

_you come and go, you come and go-oooooooooooooh"_ he sang and using his cider bottle as a microphone. For some reason, the Joker did some kind of dance move while the drunken Chav continiued to sing.

_"Everyday is like survival_

_you're my lover, not my rival"_.

They had been walking for ages until they arrived at some old warehouse somewhere.

"Hey, what the fuck is this?" one Chav demanded. The Joker turned to the Chavs and Chavettes, giving them his biggest cheesy grin.

"Just go inside and you'll see" he told them ,laughing evilly. The confused Chavs and Chavettes stepped inside the warehouse and instantly started to giggle.

The warehouse was infested with Laughing gas.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, I'm killing Chavs, bwuahahahahahahahahahaha" the Joker giggled whilst the chavs were laughing themselves to death.

The Joker turned to leave when he saw half a bottle of cider that had been left by one of the chavs.

"Oh looky here, someone didn't want their cider" he chuckled before drinking some of it. "Woah hic, what do they put in that stuff?" he asked himself. He then started laughing to himself as he walked down the street still holding the cider bottle.

Meanwhile, the chavs and Chavettes were all dead inside the warehouse, the Joker had killed Chavs.


	3. Scene three: what Alfred gets up to

Scene three: What Alfred gets up to

Disclaimer: ever wanted to know what Alfred the Butler gets up to when Batman is out fighting badguys,well now you can in this chapter.

"Now sir don't worry, everything is under control" Alfred informed as Batman was about to go and stop some crooks from mugging some poor defensless family or something like that.

"I trust you Alfred, you know that" he replied in his deep voice. He then stepped into his Batmobile and drove off. A huge grin spread across Alfred's wrinkly face and he yelled "PARTY TIME" and he ripped off his Butler suit, revealing an Austin Powers style suit underneath.Disco balls began to drop from the ceiling and the whole of Wayne manour was blasting with music from the 80s.

The party was in full swing. Alfred was on the dance floor, doing the moonwalk while a bunch of screaming girls where gathered around watching him. "You all enjoying the party ladies" he asked the girls who began screaming and trying to force themselves onto him.

"Woah steady ladies, there's enough Alfred for everyone" he told them then proceeding into doing the worm around the room. He then started spinning on his head and more girls were screaming.

After breakdancing, He jumped to his feet and took to the stage that he had set up.

"Excuse me but can I have your attention, for tonight, I, Alfred Pennyworth is going to be your sugar daddy ladies, so if there's any ladies out there wanting a sugar daddy then please step foreward" and he got down from the stage and then started doing John Travolta (hope that's spelled right) from saturday night fever.

_"Ha ha ha ha _

_stayin alive, stayin alive_

_ha ha ha ha_

_stayin aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ooooooooooooooooh yeaaaaaaaaah"_ He sang in a high pitched voice when a woman who looked about 30 years younger than Alfred approached him.

"Hello thee you fine young dame" he said, making his eye brows dance up and down at a rapid pace. "Hello there my name is Helen and you said that you are the sugar daddy, I'm looking for a sugar daddy" she said in a seductive tone.  
"Well, shall we go intot he bedroom and get to know each other a little better?" he suggested, whipping out a bottle of Viagra. "Yes, that would be pleasent" replied Helen.

"Ok then, come with me" and Alfred led Helen into the nearest bedroom that was available.

30 minutes later

"That was the best ever" said Helen who was full of happyness. Alfred came stumbling out after her, fastening his trousers.

"I agree, but could have done with some more Viagra" and he proceeded back onto the dancefloor only to get a warning that Batman was on his way back.

"Ok clear off, party's over, Master Bruce is on his way" he instructed. The party guests all scarpered and Alfred transformed back into his butler mode.

Bruce was entering the house to find the house tidy and Alfred sat in the front lounch, reading a book on insects.

"Oh, back so soon Master Bruce?" he asked. Bruce nodded and joined Alfred on the sofa.

"What have you been getting up to?" he asked his Butler.

"Oh nothing much, just generally reading" he replied before turning to the audience and giving them a wink.

--

Ok that's the third chapter and Chapter four will be up soon. Just one thing, I need some reviews folks, nothing too harsh, just some basic ideas on what scenes I could so,improvements or what you reckon to the story so far. So, if you read this then pretty please leave a review because I need your opinion, but don't be too harsh ok? Cheers.


	4. Scene 4: Evil Sally

Scene 4: Evil sally

Scene 4: Evil sally

After killing them Chavs and Chavettes, the Joker was heading back to his secret hideout when he saw an usual looking girl who was a combination of red, including red hair, a red t-shirt and red jeans, even her eyes were red. She stood in silence for a minute before laughing evilly and causing a thunder storm affect.

"Well, well, you seem to have a sense of humour young lady "the Joker said as he approached the red-clad girl.

"SILIENCE!" she screamed "I am evil Sally and I am soon to be ruler of the world". At that point, the Joker couldn't stop giggling.

"You, you think that you are going to rule the world, you only look about thirteen/fourteen years old" he giggled but evil Sally didn't find the funny side of it.

"SILIENCE, YOU WILL NOT TAUNT MY PLANS FOR RULING THE WORLD" she screamed, causing a slight earthquake. The Joker was in hysterics by now.

"AHhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahaha, you're a riot, but everyone around here knows that I'm the villain" he said. At this moment, evil Sally was furious and screamed in rage.

"SILIENCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, YOU WILL NOT INSULT EVIL SALLY, DO YOU HEAR, YOU WILL NOT INSULT EVIL SALLY" and she kept on screaming and kicking a lamppost.

"Woohoohoo, so sorry your evilness, I didn't mean to insult you, hehehehehehehe". Evil sally stopped screaming,stopped beating the crap out of the lamppost and glared at the Joker.

"I don't like people laughing at me" she said in a sinister tone "how dare you laugh at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" and she began screaming again.

"Boy, this kid sure can scream" he said before pulling out a large gun and shooting that annoying brat in the brains with it.

"that's better, she was annoying" he said, then walking down the streets of Gotham just as evil sally's mother found her dead.

"Sally, oh my god who blasted your brains out?" her stupid mother asked Sally's corpse who didn't answer because we all know she is dead.


	5. Scene 5: Bruce does Christmas shopping

Bruce goes Christmas shopping

Imagine if the 89 Batman film was set during Christmas time and there was a scene where Bruce Wayne did christmas shopping. Just to let you know, the next few chapters are going to be christmas based as it's nearly christmas.

"Master Bruce, I must let you know that it can get busy this time of year" Alfred infomred as Bruce was getting ready to do christmas shopping. "I know Alfred, But I need to get the Christmas shopping done and I need to get Vicky something" he told his butler. "You think she'll get you something?" Alfred asked. Bruce shrugged as he put on his scarve. "I don't know, she probalbly will have, she adores me, anyway, seeyou later Alfred, you sure you don't want to come?". Alfred shook his head "I'm afraid I have to clean this place". Bruce nodded and bid Alfred goodbye. He walked to his car and got in and drove to Gotham to do Christmas shopping.

The streets were crowed and Bruce was having a hard time fighting his way through the people who where determined to do their Christmas shopping.

"Excuse me, rich guy coming through, excuse me, please, I have my hands full" Bruce warned the people as he fought his way through, carrying bag loads of shopping. Suddenly he accidently touched a random woman on the butt when a bunch of excited kids pushed past him. The woman turned around and gave Bruce a disgusted look.

"I am so sorry madam, I didn't mean to touch you there, I was pushed by a crowd of kids" Bruce explained but the woman didn't seem to believe him and slapped him hard across the face.

"That's what you get for sexual harrasment you jerk" she screamed before walking off. "Damn, she must be a right Bitch" Bruce muttered to himself then proceeded to do his Christmas shopping when he saw a bunch of children doing carol singing outside City hall. Bruce stood to watch them for a while but then some random kid began singing the one christmas song he hated the most.

"Jingle Bells, Batman smells" he sang. Bruce looked insulted and asked himself "Do I smell?" before he decided to walk off and finish off the shopping.

It was late afternoon and it was starting to snow. Bruce loved snow when he was a little kid and he still loved it now. He stuck out his tongue and let the snowflakes fall onto it. "Oh, cold" he commented as a snowflake fell onto his tongue. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a large snowball hit him on the back. Bruce jumped around to see who the culprit was, but there was no-one, the area he was stood in was completly empty. "Probably kids playing about" He mumbled to himself and continued to walk on when another Snowball hit him. This time, Bruce was growing suspicious and turned around for a second time and yet again, there was no-one.

"Come on, show yourself, I know your there so there's no point in hiding, COME ON" he shouted. But no one shown themseves. Bruce shook his head and continued to walk on when he was yet again, ambushed by another snowball.

"ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH"Bruce screamed, jumping around. But there was still no-one there. This time, Bruce didn't turn back around, he stayed facing the way he was to see who was the one throwing snowballs at him. He waited and waited, but still no-one came.

"Ok, I'm walking now, I'm turning around" and he turned around and continued to be on his way when he was yet again hit by a large snowball and this time, Bruce heard a high-pitched giggle.

"Oh Brucey, look behind you, hahahahahahaha". Bruce sighed and turned around where he got a face full of snowball. He tumbled back and fell flat on his back. He slowly sat up and saw the Joker stood in front of him.

"So, it was you, you were throwing those snowballs" said Bruce as he pulled himself up.

"Yes, It was me, I am the one responsable for throwing those snowballs". Bruce rolled his eyes and continued to walk on but the Joker kept throwing snowballs at him. Bruce sighed and kept walking on and he was still getting attacked by snowballs.

"Oh, I love doing this, hahahahaha" the Joker said when he threw another snowball at Bruce who was trying his best not to flip out.

"If I ignore him then he'll stop" Bruce thought as he kept walking on. But he was still getting ambushed by snowballs. This time, Bruce had enough and decided it was payback time. He bent down and started doing a snowball.

"Oh Brucey, what are you doing?" the Joker asked when he noticed that Bruce was crouched down. He stood up, turned around and he was holding a very big snowball. It was the king of all snowballs.

"What, that's even bigger than mine" the Joker pointed out. "Yes, and now I'm going to throw it" Bruce said then he threw it but the Joker managed to jump out the way.

"Hahahahahahahahaha, missed me Brucey, hahahahahahahaha" he taunted when he was hit by another snowball by some little kid.

"Why you little..."the Joker yelled as he chased after the kid. Bruce sighed in relief.

"Phew, now I can do my christmas shopping peace".


End file.
